I’ve only watched this video once but I felt really moved by it. If nothing else it seems to be asking those of us who are heterosexual to just think about our partners, think about the effects our actions have on our relationships and to think about what its like in someone else’s shoes. You can’t go wrong with that, can you?
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six comments
Tuval, you have a way more positive take on this video than the first time it was the subject of a post. ;-)
I dunno, I still find the song and video to be rather annoying. Why is that a lesson that just heterosexual couples should learn? It seems like pretty good advice for everyone, and yet the gender binaries pushed in this song only reinforce the stereotypes of how men and women are supposed to behave. If I hear one more song about loyal women and men who just want to go drink with their buddies, I am going to scream.
Posted by Michelle
November 13, 2008, 2:45 PM
Tuval I'm glad you liked this video! I too had a different take on it than when it was first discussed on this site.
It reminded me a lot of the Ciara single "Like A Boy" (tsk tsk Beyonce for the slight rip-off) which essentially works from the same idea - that gender conventions are very harshly entrenched in the mainstream hetero world, and they cause pain and suffering. (I actually prefer the Ciara video, which has some pretty amazing drag king-ing in it. I posted it on Shameless a while back: http://www.shamelessmag.com/blog/2007...)
I don't think Beyonce or Ciara take the final step to say "we can choose to turn away from these roles" - but I liked the fact that they both are drawing attention to the fact that gender roles are bad for love. That's essentially the reason why I was motivated to become a feminist :)
PS Nice title.
Posted by Thea
November 13, 2008, 4:08 PM
Firstly, shame on me for missing the previous post on this. I know we're supposed to be promoting shamelessness but I can do better.
Secondly, thanks for the feedback. Let me maybe put this video into context for me and clarify that I do struggle with these kinds of role reversal songs.
I do a lot of work in schools with young people around issues of gender inequity and violence against women. While I would love to go into workshops and say, "listen people, gender is not binary, we must systematically dismantle patriarchy and live in open, free expressions of our true selves regardless of the sex we were assigned at birth," I realize that this would be ineffective in most contexts. What I feel I have to do is meet people where they are at. Which is not to say that I excuse or validate offensive or problematic values and opinions, it just means acknowledging that we have all (to some extent) been surrounded by these sexist values and we (to different degrees) need to unlearn them.
So, when I see a video like this I feel like, in the context of all the other videos out there, it is a statement for communication and empathy in relationships.
I admit I haven't read the lyrics closely but was just responding from my gut, which is where I think many people respond to music from.
Thea, I agree, I would love these artists to take the next step and invite listeners to live entirely outside of gendered restrictions, wouldn't that be sweet.
And Michelle, I appreciate your challenge of my specifying the content of this video being for hetero couples. I mostly wanted to acknowledge the extremely hetero bias of this video and the "love" industry in general.
Posted by Tuval
November 13, 2008, 5:24 PM
I think we're on the same page Tuval. I definitely compared both Beyonce's and Ciara's songs to the rest of the stuff that's out there, not against my ideal world. I think that's what's interesting about pop culture - it gives you a sense of what's going on in the mainstream. So I was cheered to see that kind of messaging in the mainstream. While patriarchy = bad may be a rampant belief in consciousness raising groups (and my house), it's not necessarily as predominant in shopping malls and on Top 40 charts.
Posted by Thea
November 14, 2008, 11:16 AM
The first time I watched the video, I failed to focus on the lyrics like I probably should have. My first impression was, "wow, I like this video." At first, it seemed to me to be dispelling stereotypes, showing that in a heterosexual relationship both men and female are capable of the same behaviour, which can harm one another. It seemed to me that this video was showing that women aren't consumed with jealousy in the way that the media often portrays, and that both women and men are often guilty of making their partners feel under appreciated. These aren't gendered traits, rather they're things that often happen in relationships.
However, the lyrics most definitely don't reflect this, rather they paint men as beer guzzling, ungrateful creeps, which has been done over and over and over again.
Posted by Jesro
November 16, 2008, 10:12 PM
Reaction from Jezabel: http://jezebel.com/5096345/is-the-mea...
Posted by Jesro
November 26, 2008, 1:49 PM
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